rant, rant, rant

Whatever.

Last night, I fell asleep with the light on.

Little pills, I can never recall their names.

I could no longer keep my eyeslids from drowning in little pools that made up the surface of my pupils.

It was the tiny pink one! I think!

Floor spins round and round, sounds coming out like storm troopers in the first showings of Star Wars with surround sound.

It had a little line down the middle and was hard to swallow.

Look! Behind you!

At least I didn't throw up.

Uncovered. Unanswered. Unappreciated.

Is there a line between right and wrong when it comes to a completely co-dependent friendship? It is an emotional bond as well as a mutually beneficial one. I need you, you need me.

My ropes are strained to their very last shreds, hanging jaggedly in my face as I try to hold on to the remaining strings. They remind me of all of the little things that went wrong and of how I saw it coming from the beginning. I could see the path this road was taking, and I tried to veer it off in the other direction… all in vain.

If only I could say that I don’t see this coming. I feel incredibly clear. Like finely cut crystal. I hear chaos. I feel misunderstanding.  I wish I could be honest, but your heart is so tender. One minute, a great redwood, the next minute, a snapped twig.

After putting some thought into recent events, I have come to the conclusion that the theatrics of my life are much like a soap opera... with string puppets. Everyone has their own respective place... sing-a-longs... the works. Random someones parade into and out of my life on their strings with enthusiasm I could never match. Every someone has their own distinct role, and the most hilarious thing about all of this is that I know exactly what they are going to say and what they are going to do. The only thing I can't quite seem to get right is when and where they will appear and disappear. Life feels like a stage. I hope it's at least mildly entertaining.